The Washington Post reported — two years and an unbelievable 101 school shootings ago — that many American expats in Japan are reluctant to return to the possibility of gun violence in the United States after experiencing its absence.

I’m definitely one of them. Our time in Japan was marked by such amazing people, wondrous adventures, and lasting memories that we would have been sad to leave in any case. It’s harder, of course, to come back to a country with such a horrific gun problem.

I wrote my thoughts for POPSUGAR – and I’m still sorting them out. We’re thrilled to be home, but in every public place, the fear I wrote about still lurks. I hate that it’s back. I truly never knew what it was like to be without it until Japan, and I’m more thankful than I can say for that experience.